Choking on choice
Posted by Richard Mankhey
I’m convinced I am probably the worst friend in the world.
Not ONLY the worst friend, but probably in the running for one of the worst sons, also. A certain Mom would disagree, but that’s what I pay her for.
Unfortunately I can’t afford such an arrangement with my friends, and so I’m living with the constant guilt of needing to return several e-mails…respond to voicemail messages here and there…send back texts sent at all hours of the day and night…reciprocate with sweet Facebook Wall posts and e-mail…approve or deny MySpace friend requests…read those Friendster notes…login to Skype or AOL or Yahoo Chat (or Meebo.com if you want to get bombarded all at once) and see who’s online…write ACTUAL ‘Thank You’ letters on actual paper (70% Post-Consumer Recycled Waste, of course)to send with actual stamps (do they still have the kind you lick? I like those.)…
…but therein lies the problem for me, I think. There are WAY too damn many ways to communicate and the end result is the overwhelming urge to stop, drop, and roll into the nearest cave that doesn’t have wall outlets, phone service, or WI-FI.
It’s Option Overload and I hope that I’m not the only one who’s feeling choked by choice. It’s all around us and has been for a long time. I remember shopping with my mom in the grocery store and begging for a candy bar (this was before they invented those neat little “NO CANDY” aisles at the store they stock with Stephen King and V.C. Andrews books instead…wise choice for the munchkins loitering there while mom or dad pays for the groceries). Even back then when there were probably 1/5 of the choices they have now (Chocolate Skittles, anyone? I’m actually quite fond of them…even though I call them ‘Shittles’), I remember being traumatized having to choose among Twix, Butterfinger, Necco wafers, Tootsie Pops, Three Musketeers, Snickers…etc.
My solution to blurred vision and 8 year-old heart palpitations? Either pick nothing, or out of desperation, choose one and stick with the SAME CHOICE forever. So Butterfinger was my pick, and is still a favorite of mine today (’Shittles’ can’t even come close).
But candy selection wasn’t my only phobia. My mom likes to tell the story about how I came home from Kindergarten one day tasked with picking a career and doing a report on it for class the next week. Though I don’t recall the details perfectly, Mom says I waved my 5 year-old arms about like a wounded duck (octopus? Is that a more visceral visual image? Ducks don’t even have arms…hmmm…) and cried: “But I don’t know WHAT I want to be!!”. I’m also sure I was sobbing. But what does all this have to do with royally sucking at being in regular touch with friends and family?
It would appear I’m trying to persuade you, Dear Reader, to believe that my inborn fear of options has left me incapable of managing multiple methods of communication. I would much rather pick one (Butterfinger) and stick with it. I’m not using genetics (or learned behavior) as an excuse; I am admitting to being dreadfully slow at responding to communications from all sources…sometimes SO slow that it’s synonymous with a dial tone or a “Return To Sender” stamp on an envelope.
I love my friends and family, but it takes SERIOUS effort to manage all these ways we have of being in touch. What are some possible solutions?
- Writing REALLY vague e-mails that can be copied and pasted to multiple people and save time actually writing individual replies?
- Use snippets of these for TXT messages and Facebook messages and Wall posts?
- Schedule time in my Outlook calendar easily accessed by my handy-dandy BlackBerry (oooh…there’s another blog post waiting to happen) to actually sit down and write these missives I feel so guilty not sending?
I really don’t know, right now. It seems a little odd to me to physically schedule a date with yourself to let the people in your life you care about know you’re alive.
But then you always have time for the things (and people) you put first, right?
I Only Wanted To Begin
Posted by Richard Mankhey
After several weeks of vacillation, indecision, and other words synonymous with being a lazy ass, I’ve finally decided to jump into my blog and let the design and prettiness take care of itself. I do realize that by fretting too much over the presentation I was helpfully postponing the need to actually think (i.e. when deciding what to blog about, trying to remember those things, and being witty while writing them. But maybe it’s something I’ll get used to. If it gets too painful I’ll hit my housemates up for some over-the-counter drugs.
So now that I’ve finally taken the leap and started this blog it might be helpful to both you, Dear Reader, as well as myself, to list out some guiding principles I will be operating under the assumption of:
- Life is uncensored. Everything I write will be also.
- Neither my blog, nor my website capture the full me.
- If you don’t like what you see here, look elsewhere, but feel free to offer constructive criticism if you have the time.
- Nonconstructive criticism (a.k.a. “just being mean”) will not be tolerated. Any other types of comments are are encouraged.
- I love talking about my life.
- I love to write about other people’s lives.
- I will post whenever the rhythm and whims of my life allow.
- You don’t have to agree with everything I say.
- I will reveal what I choose and will use pseudonyms when appropriate.
- Blogging is therapeutic and cheaper than actual therapy; try it if you haven’t yet.
- Pictures of myself are not required, but will be thoroughly screened and Photoshopped before being posted.
- I will not post for the sake of posting.
- I will have realistic goals and refuse to suffer from blogger’s guilt.
- I have a life outside of my website and blog.
- I have the right to reserve a post.
- If blogging becomes a chore, I will quit doing it.
- If I want to complain about something, I will do so freely.
- If I want to praise something, I will do so freely.
- I am not the best writer in the galaxy.
- I don’t have to explain myself to anyone.
The End (of the list). Hopefully that will keep me honest and give anyone who happens upon my blog the proper perspective with which to read it. I’m sure I will edit this list at a later date, but #15 says I can.
So there.